Snack we do this a lot too. I really feel better allowing my children to make mistakes and the freedom to choose things for themselves while retaining nice manners.
My son (the only boy) is very quick to open doors for people, pick up things that people dropped and just generally has a knack for helping out. We didn't instill this in him, it came naturally, but we have encouraged it since he was quite young. He is now 13 and one of the few teens I know with any type of manners.
Thankfully the rest of my children are girls, and they are all old enough to know what is proper and what is not. We talk about proper manners all the time and even have a few somewhat funny, yet helpful books on what is right and what is wrong. It is a great way to teach them, while allowing them a laugh or two at the same time.
Manners really are important and that was a GREAT article!
There are a couple that we have, but the two that my children absolutely love (partially because they are fun to read, while being informative, and partially because they aren't full of stuffy "manner" stuff, but the essentials.)
Their favorite manners book is - A Smart Girl's Guide To Manners by Nancy Holyoke (this is from the American Girl Library) and then we also really enjoyed A Little Book of Manners: Etiquette for Young Ladies by Emilie Barnes.
There are dozens of books for younger children available also (we have one by Aliki that is great for very young children), and would imagine you would just need to go to a book site and type in manners. I'm sure you will find a bunch.
I forgot to mention that there are also a few etiquette books specifically geared for boys, but since we primarily have girls, we happened to have these two books.
Emilie Barnes also has a book called A Little Book of Manners for Boys: A Game Plan for Getting Along with Others that is quite similar to her book for girls, but of course - for boys.
That's great information, Nicole. I'll have to check out those books. Have you found that your children's good behavior is reflected onto their friends?
Azurdee, good question. The answer is yes and no. Let me explain. We have two little girls that spend a lot of time with us. At their house there is no structure, no please and thank you, they are yelled at a lot, and the house is LOUD.
At my house I don't allow children to run through my house, I expect a please or you won't get anything. And thank you is a must. Yes, I still have to remind them once in awhile. When they apologize I have taught them that it is important to look the person in the eye and even if you are still angry, to apologize sincerely. For the most part we do fine.
Add these two girls to the mix and often manners are forgotten. So I make it a point to call my kids out on their manners in front of the girls. The good news is that in some cases I see some improvement. They do say thank you A LOT. They don't always remember please, but they know when they don't get the item they requested or permission to do what they requested that they forgot the please. Then they say it. With those two friends, yes it is a work in progress but it is helping.
With another little girl who is 12, she calls us and if we don't answer, she will call right back four times in a row. I'm not talking about calling and letting it ring 4 times, I'm saying calling 4 different times. She gets the machine, hangs up, calls again. It's annoying. We don't answer the phone during dinnertime and this is one of those times this girl calls all the time. I haven't had the heart to say anything, as I hoped the problem would correct itself. It really hasn't. I was hoping my daughter might say something, but she hates conflict and confrontation so I'm thinking she probably won't.
I guess if we spend loads of time with particular friends I can say that the manners in them are definitely better. But if its a child we only see once in awhile, those are the ones there is no effect on. Neighborhood kids seem to do better manners wise than those we occasionally have spend the night.
I believe that children learn best when learning by example. I can't expect my children to have good manners and behavior if I am not exhibiting them myself. Kids watch everything that their parents do whether it's good or bad. If they see good manners repeated on a daily basis this will become a habit for them and soon they will not even think about it. I try to make sure that I always say please and thank you to people when they have done something for me. My children are expected to say please and thank you, excuse me etc. as well.
I also think that socializing them in public at an early age and teaching them the correct way to act is important. Again, it's all about repetition and if they are used to going out to restaurants, church on Sunday etc they will learn how to behave in these places.
We are also very concerned about etiquette and work very hard to instill manners in our children.
I find it is challenging with my daughter, who began school this year. Most of her classmates do not use please or thank you. They do not say "excuse me" or look me in the eye when they are addressing me.
Many of my 13 yr old's friends call me by my first name (rather than Mrs. Stephany). Meanwhile, last week when I spoke to one of my son's teachers, she invited me to call her by her first name as she found the formality of being called Mrs. Dawson awkward.
My children do, for the most part, practice good manners in public and sometimes at home. Sounds like we need to do more work on that.
When my six year old started school we noticed that there were several kids in his class that did not have good manners or acted appropriately. It makes it hard on them to understand when they see this type of behavior. They have to work extra hard at being good.
I have two teen boys and they still practice good manners when we are out. In fact they help my three year old twins to understand how they should behave when we are out. It becomes a visual for the little ones.
I am a fanatic about manners. My old children (5 and 3) do pretty well and for the most part always remember the basics. But when they go above and beyond, then I really praise them and make certain that they know how great they are for having such good manners.
For instance, last week out of the blue my son came up to me and said, "Mommy thank you for taking us to the park today. I had so much fun. I love you!" I was touched because it had been hours since we had been to the park and he remembered to thank me again later. I loved it!
great topic! We try to instill manners in our 2 year old and work on it every single day. I was so pleasantly surprised last night...we were heading up to the register at a craft store and I told my daughter she could run ahead to stand by daddy. As she was running gleefully she passed a woman to her left and let out a big "scuse me!" as she ran to daddy I was so proud of her, especially because she knew to say excuse me on her own without us prompting her!
I was at a baseball game just yesterday with a friend. Two preschoolers (3, 4 years old) were stomping and plodding around the bleachers around us and at one point, one of them came over, stood directly next to my friend and started stomping around her hamburger (within inches)! We both looked around for the parent(s) and when we couldn't identify them, we asked him to please stop and go back to his family. THAT is when we got the scowl and growl from the dad who thought we were being intolerant and inappropriate. It really was all about manners and acceptable behavior and we felt for the child who was not learning those important lessons.
I was so proud of her, especially because she knew to say excuse me on her own without us prompting her!