Manners Matter: Teaching Children Appropriate Public Behavior

You wouldn’t think growing up in a small Wyoming town would make me an expert on manners. But, because I lived in my mother’s house, manners mattered. She was a princess of propriety, so the inevitable, daily manners lessons were a little hard to escape. While other families were known by the brand they burned on their cattle, my family was marred with that “P” word: proper. We didn’t dare call anyone before 8 a.m. or after 10 p.m. Whenever we answered the phone, we couldn’t just say “hello” like our friends. I had to say, “Hello, this is the Jensons’: Azurdee speaking.” Almost immediately after she could say “mommy” and “daddy,” my little sister was uttering “pardon me.”

“Manners education is inseparable from the other things a parent or caregiver must do to raise a responsible, self-sufficient child,” according to Peggy Post, author of numerous books on manners and etiquette. “It’s not an optional add-on that is attended to after the schoolwork and the soccer, dance and piano lessons are done. Instead, teaching and modeling good manners are integral to daily family life.”

Moms and dads alike understand the initial tremors, eventual earthquakes, and ever-present aftershocks that rumble throughout the summer when siblings are stuck inside with one another due to increasing outdoor temperatures. Have no fear — all hope is not lost. Teaching appropriate public behavior isn’t as cumbersome as parents might think. As with most behavior, effective modeling begins at home. Fun summer activities and family closeness create prime opportunities to teach children lasting manners, and this simple, structured guide will help you along the way.

Addressing adults, speaking and interacting with others
Children are merely little people who deserve just as much respect as adults. Treat children with respect and they will eventually learn to do the same to others. When introducing your friends, co-workers, or clergy to your children, use the proper introductory title. For example, you should say, “Sally, this is Ms. Smith from my office,” or, “Nick, this is Dr. Patterson from church.” You should then follow up with, “Dr. Patterson, this is my son, Nick.” Practice with your children by shaking their hands, looking them in the eye, smiling and saying, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Smith.” When children introduce their friends to parents, the same protocol should be followed. Smaller children can practice with dolls, teddy bears or their favorite toys.

To motivate children to speak formally to adults, have a “yes,” “please” and “thank you,” jar. Instead of “yeah,” practice saying “yes,” and teach your children to do the same. Instead of “what?” say “pardon me?” or “excuse me?” Whenever children use these words, reward them with a coin or another kind of currency that will lead to a reward.

Public places and events
Standing in line at the zoo, amusement parks, museums and movie theaters can be torture for children. Teach them not to yell, fight, pick their noses, burp or share any other bodily noises. Always have them cover their noses and mouths when sneezing or coughing, then say “excuse me.”

At places like this you should also teach children to walk around, not through, people when they are talking in a group. When it is impossible to go around, make sure they say “excuse me” as they pass through.

Parents should model good behavior for their children by opening doors for the elderly, mothers with children, or anyone having a difficult time. In general, whoever reaches the door first — male or female — should hold it open for anyone following closely behind.

Restaurants
To avoid relegation to somewhere with an enclosed playground or food that comes in paper bags, try the following tips. You may want to start with a pizza place and then move up.

First, have a practice dinner before going to a nice restaurant. Prep your children for their special outing by assigning them roles: Have someone make the menus and plan the meal, and have other children play the parts of the host and waiter. If you have a small family, you can invite your friends and their children to participate. Teach them to set the table and use each utensil at the appropriate time.

Don’t take ravenous children to the restaurant. Instead, feed them a very small snack before you leave to take the edge off their hunger and to avoid irritability. Do you remember how long 15 minutes felt when you were a kid? You should also consider bringing small, quiet toys or books to occupy their time before the food comes. If all goes well, reward children at the end of the meal with a dessert or special visit to the park.

You can also get some friends or a parents’ group together and arrange for your children to have a tour of the inner workings of a restaurant. Not only will this teach them about what goes on while they are waiting for their food, it will also open their minds to further questions, prompting curiosity and creating future learning experiences. Once you set the date for your next restaurant meal, you will be able to answer your children’s questions and ask, “Remember when we saw the chef?”

Restaurant tours and rewards aside, my wish for you this summer is that your family can civilly attend the zoo or movie theater without becoming its next attraction. By implementing these simple yet fun activities, families can grow closer together while teaching their children to behave in public. As a mother myself, I respect the guidance passed on from my own live-in etiquette coach: my sweet mom. She knew what I know now: that it’s not about being a prude or a snob, but rather social awareness, courtesy and respect for oneself and others.

Tips and Tricks for Keeping Kids Compliant

Your children learn from every aspect of their environment, including television, movies, and even cartoon characters. Avoid such programs that model rude and obnoxious behavior. Your children will only imitate the inappropriate actions.

To further motivate your children, create a “behavior tip of the week” with a reward for children who follow through consistently. Special rewards could be a movie night with mom and dad, ice cream
or a new toy.

Local libraries are well-equipped with educational etiquette books for parents and children. Your little ones will be especially receptive to books with popular characters that they recognize. And for the diehard parent, there are etiquette courses offered locally.

5 Dinnertime Tips to Teach

1. Wait for everyone to be served before you eat
2. Never reach across the person sitting next to you
3. Keep your elbows off the table
4. Always chew with your mouth closed
5. Always ask to be excused before leaving the table